The Wedding Night is the first night that a man and a woman come
together as husband and wife. It is not a normal night to the bride or
to the groom. It is the most important night for couple’s marital life.
Failing to watch or observe the moral principles in this night can have
a long-lasting negative impact on the marriage. Both spouses should
remember that they are completely starting a new life. Naturally, they
are both nervous and anxious because it is a night when two people who
lived in two different worlds meet together. At the same time, they are
excited and eager to get to know each other to start a marital life with
happiness. It is important for both the husband and wife to try their
best to make matters for them easy. They should treat each other with
extreme gentleness, tenderness, and compassion.
Every lady feels preoccupied or shy at the first night of the wedding.
Of course, it is a very important event for a young lady to be together
with a man for the first time, to separate from her family in which she
found shelter for many years, and to enter a new family life. At that
time, she is in need of the man’s wide wings of kindness and love. A
woman usually does not forget the man whom she meets on the first night
of her marriage. If the woman experiences pleasurable excitements at the
first night, if she is shown love, patience, politeness, and a broad
understanding, she feels grateful to the man all her life. This first
experience is an unforgettable memory for women.
To overcome the shyness, preoccupations, and fears of her, the groom
should behave kindly, politely, and tenderly toward his new wife and
should treat her with love and compassion. He should prepare his spouse
psychologically for the relationship giving her confidence and
explaining to her that her preoccupations and fears are groundless and
encouraging her to speak too. He should know that his new spouse is in
much need of receiving his love and compassion and of hearing his
compliments. The groom should show a sincere closeness to his new wife
without ever pressuring and forcing her and should try to lessen her
timidity. It is natural that the bride feels shy to speak to him
normally on the first night of the wedding. The groom should continue
sincere talk and closeness to enter her heart gradually knowing that it
is normal for the lady to listen silently and to answer now and then
with a short response.
The lady, on her part, should also share the excitement and love with
her new husband and should submit herself to him naturally and
willingly. She should understand that sexual intimacy is a duty and part
of human creation and she should remember the wisdom of it to overcome
groundless fears and preoccupations. A normal woman may first behave shy
in order to tempt her husband’s desire but, actually and naturally, she
likes to be conquered by him without resistance, a conquering with
politeness, patience, and delicacy. When the intimate touch is
successfully performed, the man should share his feelings of happiness
with his wife and offer his thanks praying for the lifelong continuation
of their happiness.
When the newly married couple enter their bedroom for the first time,
they greet each other with the traditional Islamic greeting. Then, the
husband places his right hand on the forehead of his new wife and
recites the following supplication:
Abdullah Bin Amr (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated: The Prophet
said: “When anyone of you gets a new wife, let him take hold of the
forehead and say: “O Allah! I ask You for the goodness within her and
the goodness that she is inclined towards, and I seek refuge with You
from the evil to which she is inclined to.” [Source of Hadeeth: Sunan
Abu Dawud and Sunan Ibn Majah].
For practical purposes, any prayer (dua’) that refers to women in a
specific way can also be inverted to refer to men. In this case, the
prayer is also applicable to the groom as eagoodness of the other.
for a woman to make a similar dua about her husband. The wife may also
recite the same above prayer when she sees her husband for the first
time by saying: “O Allah! I ask You for the goodness within him and the
goodness that he is inclined towards, and I seek refuge with You from
the evil to which he is inclined to.”
The reason behind this supplication is that all human beings, with the
exception of prophets (Peace be upon them), are subjected to the
whispering of the Satan and have a natural inclination for evil, and so
the couple is encouraged to pray for the good in each other. The
supplication does not mean that one’s spouse (male or female) is evil
but is just protection from satanic evil influence
The couple may become tired and sleepless after the stressful day of
wedding activities. For this reason, they may not be ready for sexual
intimacy on the first night of the wedding. The newly married couple has
all their life ahead of them for sexual relations and there is no need
to be hasty in this regard. But they may, however, begin to be intimate
with each other on the first night of the wedding if they feel
comfortable. Whenever the husband and the wife make sexual approach to
each other, they should read the common prayer that The Prophet (Peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) recommended at each intimate
relationship between the two spouses.
Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Allah’s Messenger
(Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If anyone of you, when
having sexual relation with his wife, say: ‘In the name of Allah! O
Allah! Protect us from Satan and protect Satan from that with which You
bless us (child).” And if they have a child (as a result of that sexual
approach), Satan will not be able to harm the child” [Source of Hadeeth:
Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim].
One important caution for the husband is never to doubt or have
suspicion about his new wife’s virginity if it appears that she is not
virgin. Baseless suspicion and evil thoughts about others are sin and
forbidden in Islam. Chaste girls should not be suspected if the hymen is
Allah (Most High, Glorious is He) says: “O you who believe! Avoid much
suspicion; indeed some suspicions is sin.” [Surat Al-Hujurat, Verse:
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated: The Prophet
(Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Beware of suspicion,
for it is the worst of false tales, and don’t look for the other’s
faults, and don’t spy, and don’t hate each other, and don’t desert (cut
your relations with your kinship) one another. O Allah’s slaves, be
brothers!” [Source of Hadeeth: Sahih Al-Bukhari].
Woman’s hymn, the fold of tissue or virginity membrane that partly
covers the entrance to the female organ, can be broken in many ways
including heavy menstrual flow, prolonged illness, falling, jumping,
cycling and certain other sports. So, men should not always suspect
their brides if the hymn is broken and believe that they committed
fornication (Sinful sexual acts) before marriage.
Breaking of virginity does not pose any hardships for a lady and young
man with normal qualities and the intercourse is completed with a little
pressure especially when the lady had not been subjected to Female
Genital Mutilation (F.G.M) during circumcision at young age. In cases of
irritation or pain, applying some cream (like Vaseline) on genitals
helps to ease the pain. Taking break from the intimacy for one day or
two days is also recommended to have the pain subsided.
There is no need for panic if small blood comes out with the tearing of
the girl’s hymn (membrane). It is not serious problem. It is something
normal and safe which stops soon. However, the husband should not be
cruel or unkind to his new wife if the sexual intimacy hurts her.
If the bride had been subjected to Female Genital Mutilation, the
intercourse causes bleeding to her- sometmuch blood.
intercourse with his wife until the injury is healed. If the bleeding
does not stop, he should take his wife to a doctor for treatment. Some
men believe that the injury of the woman’s female organ is healed with
intercourse. This is cruel and ignorant belief and should not be
practiced at all.
Jarir Bin Abdullah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The
Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “He
who is not merciful (kind) to people, Allah will not be merciful to
him.” [Source of Hadeeth: Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim].
Author: Ibrahim Hassan Gagale
Date: Dec. 12, 2014.