His parents-in-law do not practice what they preach

Fatwa Date : Sha'baan 1, 1432 / 3-7-2011

Question

Assalam alykoum My problem is the following : How should I react towards my parents in-law, they lie all the time about me and backbite me. They tell to everyone my private life and they tried to make discord between me and my wife. They teach the religion to the people but they don't practice it ! My mother in-law doesn't wear hijad, and she pretends, in front of the people, being a practicing woman but in fact she doesn't perform the prayer ! Their kids are really lost because of this situation : On one hand they hear certain statements that we should practice islam, be good muslims and so forth, but on the other hand they see their parents not practicing… I and some other Muslims of our community tried to remind them of Allah and encourage them to perform good deeds but with no avail. So I reiterate my question : How should I react towards my parents in-law ?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  is His slave and Messenger.

You have mentioned a number of evil things about your parents-in-law [or about one of them], among which are the following:

1- That they are lying about you, this is a slander and it is forbidden. The Prophet  said: "If what you say about him is not true, then you have slandered him." [Muslim]

2- They divulged the secrets of your private life and this is not permissible.

3- They tried to cause dissension between you and your wife, and this is an act which the magicians and devils do, as they endeavor to separate between lovers. Allaah Says (what means): {And [yet] they learn from them that by which they cause separation between a man and his wife.}[Quran 2:102] Moreover, it is confirmed that a devil says to Iblees [the chief devil]: "I did not leave him until I separated between him and his wife, so Iblees would bring him closer to him, and he would tell him: "You are the best! You are the best!"

4- Your mother-in-law does not perform the prayer and does not wear Hijaab, and by doing so, she abandons two great obligations in Islam: the obligation of the prayer which is clarified in Fatwa 84235, and the obligation of Hijaab which is explained in Fatwa 83054.

5- They say what they do not do and this is one of the characteristics of the evil people. Allaah Says while addressing the Jews (what means): {Do you order righteousness of the people and forget yourselves while you recite the Scripture? Then will you not reason?}[Quran 2:44]

Dear brother, if your parents-in-law are really as such, then they are very wrong and they are in a very dangerous situation. So, you should advise them in this regard in a good and gentle manner and at a suitable time. If this is done by some scholars or rational people, or by some people of their age who are more likely to influence them, then this is better. Indeed, they should be reminded that they should be a good example to their children.

On the other hand, the children should be reminded that the misconduct of the parents should not prevent them from being steadfast on the right path, because whoever is guided, he is only guided for the benefit of his soul, and whoever goes astray, he does so to his own loss. Allaah Says (what means): {Every soul, for what it has earned, will be retained.}[Quran 74:38]

We advise you to be patient with their harm and supplicate Allaah to guide them. If you can return the evil that is done to you by them with what is best, then this is better as this has a great impact on the hearts in general. Allaah Says (what means): {Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and there upon, the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.}[Quran 41:34]

Finally, if you see that the benefit is in deserting them, then you may desert them, otherwise no. For more benefit on the conditions of deserting someone, please refer to Fatwa 84976.

Allaah Knows best.