15.) Spend On Her Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should start first to support your dependants." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 64, Number 269]Thauban reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The most excellent dinar is one that a person spends on his family, and the dinar which he spends on his animal in Allah's path, and the dinar he spends on his companions in Allah's path. Abu Qilaba (one of the narrators) said: He (the narrator) started with family, and then Abu Qilaba said: Who is the person with greater reward than a person who spends on young members of his family (and thus) preserves (saves them from want) (and by virtue of which) Allah brings profit for them and makes them rich. [Sahih Muslim, Book 005, Number 2180]Don’t be miser and spend your wealth on her! Why do you earn money? is it not to spend on those who you are responsible for? Remember, every time you say “No” to your wife when she asks for money, you are missing a reward (of Charity).
16.) Don’t Break Your Family Ties Narrated Jubair bin Mut'im: That he heard the Prophet saying, "The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 13]Akhi don’t break families because of her! But don’t make her break family ties either! How can you forbid her from seeing her own family? Fear Allah and remember that marriage is supposed to also brings families closer to each other. The evidence of this is the Marriage of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) to Aysha (Abu Bakr’s Daughter) and Hafsa ( Umar’s Daughter), etc May Allah be pleased with them all
17.) Be Merciful and Tolerant To Her Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah: The Prophet said, "He who is not merciful to others, will not be treated mercifully. [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 42]Narrated Anas bin Malik: Allah's Apostle said, "Do not hate one another, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert each other, and O, Allah's worshipers! Be brothers. Lo! It is not permissible for any Muslim to desert (not talk to) his brother (Muslim) for more than three days." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 91]Why is it that when your friends make mistakes, you are quick to forgive and be kind to them, but if your wife makes the smallest mistake, you make it into the biggest issue! Subhan’Allah, Akh,i she is only human! Can you honestly say you don’t make errors! You should be forgiving and merciful to her. This is the True meaning of Love! For if you did really Love her, it would show in your actions towards her! Look at the Messenger of Allah, he loved his wives so much and even though at times they would upset him, he would never shout at them, because he understood, it’s the nature of the women to be more sensitive. She is like a Rose, and every time you shout at her or hit her, she loses a petal. Until eventually she will feel dead inside.
18.) Have Good Manners Narrated Masruq: We were sitting with 'Abdullah bin 'Amr who was narrating to us (Hadith): He said, "Allah's Apostle was neither a Fahish nor a Mutafahhish, and he used to say, 'The best among you are the best in character (having good manners)."' [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 61]Narrated Anas: Allah's Apostle I said, "I have told you repeatedly to (use) the Siwak. (The Prophet put emphasis on the use of the Siwak.) [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 13, Number 13]Keep yourself clean, brush your teeth, always make sure you smell good, etc for you wife. And develop manners on the dinner table, in the house, with your wife, etc19.) Do Not Betray Her TrustNarrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look for the others' faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut your relation with) one another, and do not hate one another; and O Allah's worshipers! Be brothers (as Allah has ordered you!") [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 90]Don’t break her promises or Tell others her secrets. Fear Allah and remember her feelings are at stake! So don’t break her heart, because once you do, it will take a long time to heal… if it ever does!
20.) Do Not Expose Her Sins Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (Allah he pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upoin him) said: The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of judgment is the men who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret. [Sahih Bukhari, Book 008, Number 3369]Narrated Abu Huraira: I heard Allah's Apostle saying. "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knowing about his sin) and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 95]Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: The servant (whose fault) Allah conceals in this world, Allah would also conceal (his faults) on the Day of Resurrection. [Sahih Muslim, Book 032, Number 6266]Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: The servant (who conceals) the faults of others in this world, Allah would conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection [Sahih Muslim, Book 032, Number 6267]Abu ‘Ubaidah ibn Abdullah reported that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said:- “One who repents from sin is like one without sin.” [Sahih Sunan Ibn Maajah, vol. 2, no. 3427, authenticated by Al-albaani]Brother, if she commits a sin, Why do you have to tell the whole world? She is only human! She makes errors and Allah is Most Merciful. But why do you have to expose her sins?And another point to note, if she may have committed sins in her past, but has repented, then Why do you still ask her about it? Why? Are you marrying her past? Or who she is now?Fear Allah and protect the honour of your wife akhi!
21.) Smile At Her Narrated 'Aisha: I never saw the Prophet laughing to an extent that one could see his palate, but he always used to smile only. [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 114]Smile at her, brother, she should be your source of Happiness and peace. She is a blessing from Allah!
22) Do Not Become A HypocriteNarrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The signs of a hypocrite are three: Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; and whenever he promises, he breaks his promise; and whenever he is entrusted, he betrays (proves to be dishonest)". [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 117]
23.) Don’t Lie To Her Narrated Samura bin Jundub: The Prophet said, "I saw (in a dream), two men came to me." Then the Prophet narrated the story (saying), "They said, 'The person, the one whose cheek you saw being torn away (from the mouth to the ear) was a liar and used to tell lies and the people would report those lies on his authority till they spread all over the world. So he will be punished like that till the Day of Resurrection."' [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 118]Akhi, You will be the worst of creation if you lie to the sister about yourself. I have seen brothers who pretend to be things they are not and lie to sisters about there finance, family, etc and after the sister marries them, his true colour out!Fear Allah, remember that the above punishment is in the grave and will last until the day of Judgement!
24.) Don’t Get Angry With Her Narrated Abu Huraira: A man said to the Prophet , "Advise me! "The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137]Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135]
25.) Be There For Her And Support Her“… They are Lîbas [i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her - as in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabarî], for you and you are the same for them. ….” (Al-Baqarah 2:187)Narrated Anas bin Malik: The Prophet said, "Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm (with glad tidings) and do not repulse (them )." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 146]Akhi women get very emotional and always need someone to talk to. So make sure you are the one who there to wipe away her tears (not the one who makes her cry) and make sure you give her advice, using wisdom and from the Quran and Sunnah.
28.) Learn From Your Mistakes Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A believer is not stung twice (by something) out of one and the same hole." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 154]Subhan’Allah I have seen brothers who continuously hurt their wives in the same way all the time! Akhi if you know you have made a mistake and you know you have hurt her, Why are you still doing it??
29.) Treat Her As A Woman Of Jannah“Enter Paradise, you and your wives, in happiness.” (Az-Zukhruf 43:70)Narrated 'Abdullah: The Prophet said, "Everyone will be with those whom he loves." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 189]SubhanAllah brothers, everyone reads about the women of Jannah, yet we forget about the women of Dunya! She may not be the Same as the women of Jannah, but subhanAllah she is still woman! Remember you mother Hawwa (eve), was in Jannah, so if your wife is her child, surely she is a woman of Jannah also?
30.) In-Laws Narrated 'Uqba bin 'Amir: Allah's Apostle said, "Beware of entering upon the ladies." A man from the Ansar said, "Allah's Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?" The Prophet replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself. [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 159]Brothers, Your Wife will Love you and always be by your side. She will show commitment and respect, so why don’t you do the same? If she is being abused by her in laws (your family) then stand up for her! She will not always complain to you, but akhi if you truly love her, you will see her pain in her face! Why don’t you understand that she needs to be protected by you? If you brothers and other family are sitting around and making fun of her, maybe because she wears the niqaab or because of her accent, etc how can you sit down and take that? You MUST stand up and tell them off (in a way that is gentle) and you should ask them to apologise to her! She is a human being with feelings and if you and your family cannot take care of her and respect her, you have made a big error in marrying and you will be held accountable!And Remember that not everyone has the same customs in their family, so if the sister has come from a different cultural background, you MUST respect that and not expect her to change! You should have married her for who she is, not for who you wish to change her into!!
31.) Divorce as a Last Resort Only“… As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great.”“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allâh will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allâh is Ever AllKnower, WellAcquainted with all things.” (An-Nisa 4: 34 - 35) “But if they separate (by divorce), Allâh will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allâh is Ever AllSufficient for His creatures' need, AllWise.” (An-Nisa 4:130)Don’t jump to decisions and do not divorce her unless it’s the last resort!
32.) Give Her Gifts Narrated Aisha: The people used to look forward for the days of my ('Aisha's) turn to send gifts to Allah's Apostle in order to please him. [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 47, Number 748]Narrated 'Aisha: Allah's Apostles used to accept gifts and used to give something in return. [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 47, Number 758]Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: He who is presented with a flower should not reject it, for it is light to carry and pleasant in odour. [Sahih Bukhari, Book 027, Number 5600]Buy Her Gifts, Women Loves gifts and it’s a way of increasing Love between you two. And If she buys you a gift, accept with joy and happiness, and be sure to give her one in return!
33.) She is Priceless'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. [Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3465]
34.) Attraction Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported: I was in the company of Allah's Messenger (way peace be upan him) when there came a man and informed him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Did you cast a glance at her? He said: No. He said: Go and cast a glance at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar. [Sahih Bukhari, Book 008, Number 3314]Generally speaking, you should always lower you gaze, but when it comes to marriage, it’s important you look at the sister (and vice versa). This is because there should be an attraction. Now what is the Islamic definition of attraction? Well it involves the physical side, but also the spiritual and emotional side. So you should be attracted to how she looks, but also her manners, her character, her piety, etcBut it’s important you are also physically attracted because if you are not, then it could cause problems in the future. I have seen couples who detest each other and because of that, they hardly listen to each other and talk to each other. And the biggest problem is, if you marry a sister you are not attracted to, and you see a sister later on who is attractive (although you still should lower your gaze) this will increase the fitnah, in that you may end up becoming upset and releasing the anger on
your wife or that you may commit Zinha! Because normally, if you see a beautiful sister, you would go to your wife (this is the Sunnah), but if she is not attractive to you, you may end up approaching the woman on the street!
35.) He Makes Dua for Her and Help Her in Her Deen"The quickest prayer to be answered is a man's supplication for his brother in his absence." [Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 2/83, Bab du'a' al-akh bi zahr al-ghayb]Narrated Abu Hurayrah (RAA), "The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: `May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray, and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face." [Reported by Abu Dawud, 2/45, in Kitab al-salah: bab qiyam al-layl, and by al-Hakim 1/309, Kitab salah al-tatawwu'; he said that it is sahih according to the consitions of Muslim]AND ALLAH KNOWS BEST. END
Further Reading:- Causes of Marital Discord that Can Be Traced Back to the Husband - Saalih ibn Ghaanim as-Sadlaan http://www.islamicawakening.com/viewarticle.php?articleID=93- THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER HUSBAND - Dr. Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/humanrelations/womeninislam/idealmuslimah/chapter4.htmlAnd It is Only Allah Whogrants success. May Allah Exalt th mention of His slave and Messenger Muhammad, and render him, his household and companion safe from Evil. FREE Islaamic Courses at:http://www.islamiconlineuniversity.com/moodle
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